My aunt is watching Annabella for me today, so last night she slept over.
I'm not one of those moms who likes spending time away from my kid, sure I send her to daycare while I'm at work and I'll let my mom or whoever is around play with her while I blog or surf the computer for things to do. But when it comes to waking up in the morning without her, it makes me miss her.
I know, "everybody needs a break" to sleep, to do not so mom things. But the way I see it is now that I'm a mom, nothing I do isn't a "mom" thing.
Take last Saturday for example, a great night with some amazing people that I hadn't seen or partied with in years, it was to be a great night complete with a Keg and some rather tasty aged single barrel aged whiskey to be shared among friends. But I din't get shwilly, I stayed till about midnight and then took the hour long drive home in the fog so that I could be sure that Annabella woke up to her easter basket. I even woke up at six a.m. so that I could watch her do it. But today I find myself wondering if maybe she could have waited till the afternoon and I could have hung out with my friends a bit longer and just stayed the night.
Its hard for me to find the old Mallory in the new Mom role, all of me has changed, my views on the world are a bit different, and I'm nowhere near as relaxed as I used to be. My constant feeling of anxiety over what I'm doing and how its affecting our lives hasn't gone away totally and I know it probably never will. I find myself searching on the internet trying to find answers to the amount of nights its acceptable for a mom to go out and leave her kid. Even though I know there isn't a correct answer for these questions I still find myself trying to find the right one.
So back to my toddler-free mornings, are they really any easier without her? I still wake up at 7am, I do enjoy the entire night full of sleep, rather then waking up a few times a night to Annabella kicking me in the side or yelling at me because she wants to play at 3am, but I don't get the smiles or the wake-up kisses. I don't have to make breakfast, but I still have to make my lunch, I don't have to rush around with her, but I have a hard time getting the motivation to get out of bed, (yes I am blogging in bed right now)
So mama's out there, how do you deal with days without your kiddos? What do you do? How has your life changed since becoming a mom?